Glory to the Spoons!

TW: PTSD

Usually, he can assume the age he looks, sink into the bones and flesh of this too-young body and pretend--even to himself--that he’s nothing more than what he seems, that time still holds sway over him, that he hasn’t lived a lifetime past what's written into his skin.

He looks thirty-five, and he is, more or less. He could work out his exact age if he bothered to do the math, but measuring the time he’s spent on earth seems kind of pointless these days. Sam didn’t get that the first time around, but after the Cage, he’s caught on.

(sometimes Dean looks at Sam and he doesn’t see his baby brother, the too-tall, too-tired, tough soldier kid that he’s managed to raise; sometimes he looks at Sam and all he can see is Hell, decades of it, a whole goddamn century of it, and he wonders if cutting Sam’s throat while he sleeps wouldn’t be the kinder option after all.

and he doesn’t do it, he can’t do it, but he doesn’t know if that’s sanity or selfishness)

They don’t celebrate birthdays anymore.

Title: Memorium
Pairing: Dean/Castiel implied
Summary: He keeps the trench coat. S7, drabble.

( This is a life written out in the ruins: )

Title: In the Footsteps of Dawn
Pairing: Gen
Warnings: Spoilers through 8.01
Rating: PG
Summary: Dean escaped from Purgatory, but that doesn’t mean he’s done running. Missing moments from 8.01.

A/N: So, I'm slowly getting back into SPN, but this is the first thing I've written in this fandom in quite a while. I do hope y'all enjoy. :)


( There's a rustle in the leaves overhead and he jerks to a halt, but it's just a squirrel. )

Title: Carmen and the Devil
Pairings: Gen
Warnings: Alcoholism, canon character death.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: John raises his daughters in the life. Girl!Dean, girl!Sam AU, written for capthollywood 's prompt on spn_rambleon :

AU Always a girl!Deanna and John Winchester's relationship, how it changed from canon because of Dean being a woman, from her as a child to her adulthood and how she remembers him.

Title from The Weight. John POV.

( The week before Dee starts kindergarten, John takes clippers to the knotted mess of hair that's been turning into a rat's nest since the last time she cried when he tried to comb it. )

Title: Book of Lies
Pairing: Gen. Dean/Castiel if you squint
Warnings: None
Rating: PG
Summary: Alone in the panic room, Castiel contemplates faith and betrayal. Drabble-ish.

A/N: doughtier made me do it. As usual. :P

( It's Dean's hand on his shoulder, Dean's rough ungentle grip. )

Title: heartache to heartache we stand
Pairing: Gen; mentions of Sam/Jess, Deanna/OMC
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Somewhat angsty
Summary: It's a lot easier than it should be, adjusting. Girl!Sam, girl!Dean, early Season 1.

( It takes her all of thirty seconds to spot Dee, even in this crowd. )

Title: coming through in waves
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: They both have nightmares now. Sam h/c, general spoilers for S6.

( Sam comes awake with a start, scream catching in the back of his throat. )

Title: on sacred ground
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, angst, unresolved issues.
Summary: Things aren't okay between them, and Sam doesn't know how to make it better. Sequel to Arms that Chain Us and probably won't make much sense without reading that first.

A/N: I'm not actually sure that this makes any sense at all, but it's about as polished as it's going to get . :P


(  The Impala is still parked under the knotted old oak, not a scratch on her. )

Title: the hand that sews time
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Summary: Dean and Cas, and everything they know how to give each other. Takes place somewhere after 6.07, general spoilers for this season.

(  It's not the first time they've done this. )