Glory to the Spoons!

I've been thinking lately about romance, and fic, and why I tend to bounce so hard off of a lot of shippy fic even when I at least theoretically enjoy the pairing. And I think it comes down, at least in part, to the broader way we conceive of romance as a culture. My issue with a lot of romantic fanfic (and profic, for that matter) is that it is very concerned about Romantic Gestures but it doesn't make any effort to suss out what those gestures mean to these particular people--as if romance and romantic gestures are an objective set of behaviors and items that should be applied to any relationship regardless of the people involved.

This isn't exactly the main thrust of Jess Zimmerman's excellent essay, Hunger Makes Me, but it's something that she touches on:
It will probably shock no one to learn that I am a terribly unromantic person in real life; my favorite Valentines Day gift ever is a Ka-Bar knife from my spouse, who knows me entirely too well. But this idea of pageantry and insincerity stuck with me, and I think it's what bugs me about a lot of romance in fanfic, above and beyond the fact that I'm kind of an unromantic curmudgeon: there's this tendency to act out the stagecraft of Romantic Gestures without ever considering what they might mean to those particular people. There is a Grand Proposal, or the Presentation of the Ring, or Flowers and Chocolates... it's not that no one likes these things, or that no one should ever do them, but the way they turn up in fiction often feels like characters reeling off a script with no regard for who they are, what they want, how they might respond to such a gesture.

All this probably sounds really grouchy, but I have read some truly great romantic fic, both long glorious epics and short sweet one-shots; the difference is, really good romance considers its characters as people, and therefore considers who they are and what they might want, how and when they might trip over their toes, how they love people and are loved in return. I'd like to see more of it.

( Cut for spoilers )

What is with all the ragging on the Dean - Castiel brothel scene in 5.03? I thought it was hilarious and kind of sweet, as well as being perfectly in character for Dean. So what the hell is with all the people going 'Nonononono Dean wouldn't do that, he is having ANGST about Sammy leaving! Angst, I tell you! And also there is a very serious mission tomorrow! He must be serious! This is backsliding into the fires of denial! He must have a good cathartic sobfest IMMEDIATELY!"

Dude. This is Dean. Please go back and watch, well, the entire freaking series. Yes, he's stressed out and lonely and scared. Now, pop quiz: typically, how does Dean deal with being stressed out, lonely, and scared?

Oh, right. He goes and gets drunk and finds the nearest available attractive woman he can finangle into bed. Or he starts a fight (or occasionally both). 4.10 notwithstanding, good cathartic sobfests are not and have never really been his style.

Also, observe the way he has constantly taken a proprietary interest in Sam's sex life, since approximately the middle of Season 1. To Dean, getting somebody laid is an expression of affection and a rite of passage. And in this particular case, it falls very neatly in with his more generalized attempt to blow off some steam.

I've actually read people complaining that it's crass and crude and therefore OOC. I think these are people who have become so enamored of fandom's vision of Dean that they forget how he acts in the actual canon. Crass and crude are kind of what he does, and for me it was actually refreshing to see him loosen up and act like his old jackass self.

But hey, what the hell do I know; after all everybody knows that if there are no Single Crystal Tears, it doesn't count as real Dean characterization.

</sarcasm>

Seriously, take a look at this video. Or this one. Or maybe this. These are all situations in which Dean is dealing with some serious emotional issues. Observe how he goes about it. Now tell me that brothel scene was OOC.