in which a curmudgeon rants about romance
Jan. 30th, 2019 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glorious_spoonI've been thinking lately about romance, and fic, and why I tend to bounce so hard off of a lot of shippy fic even when I at least theoretically enjoy the pairing. And I think it comes down, at least in part, to the broader way we conceive of romance as a culture. My issue with a lot of romantic fanfic (and profic, for that matter) is that it is very concerned about Romantic Gestures but it doesn't make any effort to suss out what those gestures mean to these particular people--as if romance and romantic gestures are an objective set of behaviors and items that should be applied to any relationship regardless of the people involved.
This isn't exactly the main thrust of Jess Zimmerman's excellent essay, Hunger Makes Me, but it's something that she touches on:
It will probably shock no one to learn that I am a terribly unromantic person in real life; my favorite Valentines Day gift ever is a Ka-Bar knife from my spouse, who knows me entirely too well. But this idea of pageantry and insincerity stuck with me, and I think it's what bugs me about a lot of romance in fanfic, above and beyond the fact that I'm kind of an unromantic curmudgeon: there's this tendency to act out the stagecraft of Romantic Gestures without ever considering what they might mean to those particular people. There is a Grand Proposal, or the Presentation of the Ring, or Flowers and Chocolates... it's not that no one likes these things, or that no one should ever do them, but the way they turn up in fiction often feels like characters reeling off a script with no regard for who they are, what they want, how they might respond to such a gesture.
All this probably sounds really grouchy, but I have read some truly great romantic fic, both long glorious epics and short sweet one-shots; the difference is, really good romance considers its characters as people, and therefore considers who they are and what they might want, how and when they might trip over their toes, how they love people and are loved in return. I'd like to see more of it.
This isn't exactly the main thrust of Jess Zimmerman's excellent essay, Hunger Makes Me, but it's something that she touches on:
I believe that there are people who truly dislike romantic gestures, in the same way that there are people who truly dislike sweets. And it’s certainly true that a lot of what passes for “romance” in our broad cultural definition—the Jumbotron proposal, the bed covered in rose petals—has been neatly split from genuine emotion, like a painted eggshell blown clear of its guts.
It will probably shock no one to learn that I am a terribly unromantic person in real life; my favorite Valentines Day gift ever is a Ka-Bar knife from my spouse, who knows me entirely too well. But this idea of pageantry and insincerity stuck with me, and I think it's what bugs me about a lot of romance in fanfic, above and beyond the fact that I'm kind of an unromantic curmudgeon: there's this tendency to act out the stagecraft of Romantic Gestures without ever considering what they might mean to those particular people. There is a Grand Proposal, or the Presentation of the Ring, or Flowers and Chocolates... it's not that no one likes these things, or that no one should ever do them, but the way they turn up in fiction often feels like characters reeling off a script with no regard for who they are, what they want, how they might respond to such a gesture.
All this probably sounds really grouchy, but I have read some truly great romantic fic, both long glorious epics and short sweet one-shots; the difference is, really good romance considers its characters as people, and therefore considers who they are and what they might want, how and when they might trip over their toes, how they love people and are loved in return. I'd like to see more of it.
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Date: 2019-01-31 03:00 pm (UTC)because "he just remembers and knows what to do!" IS actually part of the fantasy
Yeah, and also I think one of the things that is popularly enjoyed is the "he didn't know/remember for others but he would remember for HER" aspect. Not quite fixing the "bad boy" but elevating the relationship status via a person who's not normally good at romance getting better at it because they just Care So Much about this new relationship. Which, admittedly, I can get behind because I love to be shown effort put into the relationship. It can also work conversely (where a lack of effort put into the relationship makes it seem like it's not functioning.)