in which a curmudgeon rants about romance
Jan. 30th, 2019 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glorious_spoonI've been thinking lately about romance, and fic, and why I tend to bounce so hard off of a lot of shippy fic even when I at least theoretically enjoy the pairing. And I think it comes down, at least in part, to the broader way we conceive of romance as a culture. My issue with a lot of romantic fanfic (and profic, for that matter) is that it is very concerned about Romantic Gestures but it doesn't make any effort to suss out what those gestures mean to these particular people--as if romance and romantic gestures are an objective set of behaviors and items that should be applied to any relationship regardless of the people involved.
This isn't exactly the main thrust of Jess Zimmerman's excellent essay, Hunger Makes Me, but it's something that she touches on:
It will probably shock no one to learn that I am a terribly unromantic person in real life; my favorite Valentines Day gift ever is a Ka-Bar knife from my spouse, who knows me entirely too well. But this idea of pageantry and insincerity stuck with me, and I think it's what bugs me about a lot of romance in fanfic, above and beyond the fact that I'm kind of an unromantic curmudgeon: there's this tendency to act out the stagecraft of Romantic Gestures without ever considering what they might mean to those particular people. There is a Grand Proposal, or the Presentation of the Ring, or Flowers and Chocolates... it's not that no one likes these things, or that no one should ever do them, but the way they turn up in fiction often feels like characters reeling off a script with no regard for who they are, what they want, how they might respond to such a gesture.
All this probably sounds really grouchy, but I have read some truly great romantic fic, both long glorious epics and short sweet one-shots; the difference is, really good romance considers its characters as people, and therefore considers who they are and what they might want, how and when they might trip over their toes, how they love people and are loved in return. I'd like to see more of it.
This isn't exactly the main thrust of Jess Zimmerman's excellent essay, Hunger Makes Me, but it's something that she touches on:
I believe that there are people who truly dislike romantic gestures, in the same way that there are people who truly dislike sweets. And it’s certainly true that a lot of what passes for “romance” in our broad cultural definition—the Jumbotron proposal, the bed covered in rose petals—has been neatly split from genuine emotion, like a painted eggshell blown clear of its guts.
It will probably shock no one to learn that I am a terribly unromantic person in real life; my favorite Valentines Day gift ever is a Ka-Bar knife from my spouse, who knows me entirely too well. But this idea of pageantry and insincerity stuck with me, and I think it's what bugs me about a lot of romance in fanfic, above and beyond the fact that I'm kind of an unromantic curmudgeon: there's this tendency to act out the stagecraft of Romantic Gestures without ever considering what they might mean to those particular people. There is a Grand Proposal, or the Presentation of the Ring, or Flowers and Chocolates... it's not that no one likes these things, or that no one should ever do them, but the way they turn up in fiction often feels like characters reeling off a script with no regard for who they are, what they want, how they might respond to such a gesture.
All this probably sounds really grouchy, but I have read some truly great romantic fic, both long glorious epics and short sweet one-shots; the difference is, really good romance considers its characters as people, and therefore considers who they are and what they might want, how and when they might trip over their toes, how they love people and are loved in return. I'd like to see more of it.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 06:59 pm (UTC)I think it has to be really setup with evidence that she doesn't want gifts upfront (example: first scene we meet her she is actively annoyed about someone who insists on giving her gifts because reasons) in order for the reader to buy it as an actual truth versus "poor baby who hasn't known Real Love is deluded" which quickly translates into "well if she still doesn't believe she would love flowers that means HE is not right for her" -> fantasy broken.
My point is, a lot of these reader reactions seem really obscure and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but they *are* based on something psychological that the reader wants but isn't getting. ....Whether it's worth puzzling that out to figure out the root cause or whether to just throw some flowers and candy at the problem is a separate topic :)
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 08:11 pm (UTC)Oh wow, that's a really good point! I also like your further point about setting it up and what she says vs. what she does.
... Admittedly the "but she doesn't know her own mind!" aspect is something that frustrates the shit out of me in a lot of romance, but I think it's often to do with how it's specifically presented and not with the idea of a character being oblivious per se. I like oblivious, but I've sort of had to teach myself to write that kind of oblivious (or, more accurately, to run it through a filter of context that turns it into something I mostly like, much like how I enjoy a certain variety of alpha asshole but not THAT kind of alpha asshole, so I have to sort of find my middle ground with characters like Darius between the redemption-arc qualities I like, and being so much of a controlling jerk that I just sort of want to push them off a cliff).
Anyway, I think you're exactly right that when you've set your character up as an unreliable narrator of their own emotions, it makes it harder for the reader to buy that they actually mean it when they describe their emotional state later (as well they should, if you-the-writer have been saying "don't trust this person" and then suddenly it turns into "do trust this person!" without proper setup). Not that you can't make the distinction between "they mean this but they don't mean this other thing" but it has to be handled with more delicacy and nuance.